College Hookup Horror Stories That Are Cringy But True

Hooking up with random strangers at parties is a huge part of the American college experience. Unfortunately, sometimes these exciting escapades can quickly turn into the most awkward (to say the least) night of your life. From unexpected STD’s to not-so-sexy kinks, there are no limits to what you can get yourself into in college hookup culture. Just try and get through these absolutely cringe-worthy stories we’ve collected from actual college students.

1. Doing the Dairy-Free Dirty

I’m lactose intolerant and I know that I have around 45 minutes after eating dairy until I need to get safely to the bathroom before all hell breaks loose. One night I was walking back from a party and had to grab a slice (I was only 5 minutes from my apartment, so I knew I would make it back in time). As I got to my door, my crush texted me that he is next door at a friend’s and that he wants to come over.

I still had a solid 30 minutes left until my stomach would admit defeat, so I decided to risk it. I must have miscalculated, because within 5 minutes of fooling around, I let out the biggest, wettest fart known to man. After a moment of mortifying, deafening silence, I ran to the bathroom. By the time I came out, he was gone. I never heard from him again.

~ Gianna, 19

2. The Knee Fetish

I was making out with this really hot girl in my room, and things were heating up. Then, she started kissing down my body until she reached my knees. And then she stopped there and spent at least 5 minutes kissing, licking, and biting my knees. I asked her what she was doing and she said she had a huge knee-kink and that she mostly wanted to focus on that area. Eventually, we got to the good stuff, but it was really weird. The next day my knees were red and covered in bite marks.

~ Bobby J., 22

3. Freckles Where The Sun Don’t Shine

I was hooking up with this guy and things were getting pretty hot and heavy. But when he took off his boxers, I noticed that he had some spots on his ding-a-ling that I’d never seen before. I asked him about it, and he told me not to worry and that they were just freckles that he’d had since birth. I didn’t inquire further and just took his word for it.

A few weeks later, I learned that this freckled “birthmark” was actually herpes. The lesson here: if you feel something is wrong, don’t take the other person’s word for it, go with your gut!

~ Angelica, 20

4. Early Morning Golden Shower

A guy I met at a fraternity party came home with me and spent the night. Around 5 o’clock in the morning, I was woken up to the sound of someone turning on the sink. It turns out he was standing in the middle of my room peeing on the floor. I tried to yell, but he was basically sleep-walking (or sleep-peeing, I guess) and I didn’t want to touch him and risk him peeing on my bed or anywhere else.

He finished up and then tried climbing back into my bed. I woke him and promptly kicked him out. I spent the morning cleaning up pee all over my floor.

~ Jessica, 21

5. She Used Me For a Cheeseburger

I met this really cute girl at a party, and we were totally vibing. As it got later, she was hinting at me that she wanted to take it back to her place. On the way back, she said she was hungry so we stopped at McDonald’s. After she ordered did she realize that she’d forgotten her wallet. I said it was no problem, so I paid for both of our meals, and we sat down to eat. We finished up, and she wanted to go to the bathroom before we left. I waited for her for almost 30 minutes.

I finally asked a girl who was heading to the bathroom to please go check on her. Turns out she’d climbed out the window and never came back. She only wanted a free cheeseburger.

~ Brendan, 19

6. The Staph Infection 

I met a guy who I thought was really cute and spent the whole day in his room at the (very dirty) fraternity house he lived in. After doing the dirty for hours, I decided it was time to go home and take a shower. I told him he should go and take one too, and he responded that he would just wipe himself down with wet wipes. I assumed this was a joke.

Over the next few days he stopped answering my texts, which was weird because we had gotten along so well. Finally, I get an urgent text telling me to come over ASAP. When I got there I saw that he was totally freaked out. He started yelling at me that I gave him a disease (I didn’t have any STD’s and we were using condoms anyway). Finally, I got him to show me. He had a raging staph infection around his thing. It turns out he actually DID only use wet wipes and did not shower for days after!

~ Lisa, 20

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