College Hookup Horror Stories That Are Cringy But True

Hooking up with random strangers at parties is a huge part of the American college experience. Unfortunately, sometimes these exciting escapades can quickly turn into the most awkward (to say the least) night of your life. There are no limits to what you can get yourself into in college hookup culture. Just try and get through these absolutely cringe-worthy stories we’ve collected from actual college students.

1. Ramen Noodles 

This isn’t a horror story just because of how hilarious it was. I was with this girl in bed and things were getting hot and heavy, so I went to reach for a condom. It was dark so I had to kind of feel around on my desk until I found one. I grabbed it and tried to sexily rip it open quickly.

Only it wasn’t a condom, it was a Ramen flavor packet and the powder went everywhere, all over both of us. We both burst out laughing and had to stop and collect ourselves. The moment was ruined, but it actually made our friendship much stronger.

~Mike 

2. The Knee Fetish

I was making out with this really hot girl in my room, and things were heating up. Then, she started kissing down my body until she reached my knees. And then she stopped there and spent at least 5 minutes kissing, licking, and biting my knees. I asked her what she was doing and she said she had a huge knee-kink and that she mostly wanted to focus on that area. Eventually, we got to the good stuff, but it was really weird. The next day my knees were red and covered in bite marks.

~ Bobby J., 22

3. Freckles Where The Sun Don’t Shine

I was hooking up with this guy and things were getting pretty hot and heavy. But when he took off his boxers, I noticed that he had some spots on his ding-a-ling that I’d never seen before. I asked him about it, and he told me not to worry and that they were just freckles that he’d had since birth. I didn’t inquire further and just took his word for it.

A few weeks later, I learned that this freckled “birthmark” was actually herpes. The lesson here: if you feel something is wrong, don’t take the other person’s word for it, go with your gut!

~ Angelica, 20

4. Early Morning Golden Shower

A guy I met at a fraternity party came home with me and spent the night. Around 5 o’clock in the morning, I was woken up to the sound of someone turning on the sink. It turns out he was standing in the middle of my room peeing on the floor. I tried to yell, but he was basically sleep-walking (or sleep-peeing, I guess) and I didn’t want to touch him and risk him peeing on my bed or anywhere else.

He finished up and then tried climbing back into my bed. I woke him and promptly kicked him out. I spent the morning cleaning up pee all over my floor.

~ Jessica, 21

5. She Used Me For a Cheeseburger

I met this really cute girl at a party, and we were totally vibing. As it got later, she was hinting at me that she wanted to take it back to her place. On the way back, she said she was hungry so we stopped at McDonald’s. After she ordered she realized that she’d forgotten her wallet. I said it was no problem, so I paid for both of our meals, and we sat down to eat. We finished up, and she wanted to go to the bathroom before we left. I waited for her for almost 30 minutes.

I finally asked a girl who was heading to the bathroom to please go check on her. Turns out she’d climbed out the window and never came back. She only wanted a free cheeseburger.

~ Brendan, 19

6. The Staph Infection 

I met a guy who I thought was really cute and spent the whole day in his room at the (very dirty) fraternity house he lived in. After doing the dirty for hours, I decided it was time to go home and take a shower. I told him he should go and take one too, and he responded that he would just wipe himself down with wet wipes. I assumed this was a joke.

Over the next few days he stopped answering my texts, which was weird because we had gotten along so well. Finally, I get an urgent text telling me to come over ASAP. When I got there I saw that he was totally freaked out. He started yelling at me that I gave him a disease (I didn’t have any STD’s and we were using condoms anyway). Finally, I got him to show me. He had a raging staph infection around his thing. It turns out he actually DID only use wet wipes and did not shower for days after!

~ Lisa, 20

7. The Craziest Roommate

This was one of the weirdest experiences of my life, I still think about it to this day. One night after a party I ended up going with this hot girl back to her dorm to spend the night. It was around 3am so we had to be super quiet so we didn’t wake her roommate who was passed out in the bed a few feet away…or so we thought. It turns out, the roommate was only fake sleeping and was actually recording us on her phone!!

The next morning we woke up and to a note left by the girl’s roommate saying that she had recorded the whole thing and was basically going to blackmail her roommate by sending it to her family and teachers if she didn’t do a whole bunch of cleaning and reorganizing her things. The girl ended up getting the roommate to delete the video and then moved to a different room soon after. But wow, what a crazy roommate ordeal.

~ Tom, 22

8. Scary Movie 

It was October so everyone was in the pumpkin spice, cozy sweater, spooky mood. I had started talking to this guy I met a week earlier in class, and we decided to hang out one night to watch a movie. Obviously, I suggested a scary movie to which he immediately refused. He said he was too scared, but kind of laughed it off to look tough. I didn’t take him seriously, and in the end, I convinced him to put on Nightmare on Elm Street.

About 30 minutes into the movie he was so scared that he actually got super angry and yelled at me to turn it off and blamed me for forcing him to watch and for the nightmares he will have for weeks now. Needless to say, I left and we stopped talking after that. 

~ Jenna, 19

9. The Trapped Tampon 

It was the last day of my period, and I was dating a guy at the time for a few weeks already, so I felt comfortable doing the dirty even if I wasn’t 100% in the clear. So right before we got started, I took out my tampon and started going at it with him.

After a few minutes, he said that he felt something weird as if there was something already in there. I checked inside, and to my absolute horror, there was another tampon that I had forgotten to remove when I put in the last one. Even worse, it was shoved all the way up by the other tampon, so I couldn’t reach it to get it out. He had to use his finger like a fishhook and scoop it out of me. He was really nice and understanding about it, but I will forever be mortified.

~Macie K.

10. Bologna Sandwich Bedding

I thought girls were supposed to be the clean ones but I learned that wasn’t the case when I went home one night after a party with this girl I had met there. We got to her room and before going in she apologized “for the mess”, which I just shrugged off because surely my messy room was definitely worse and girls always say that.

No. This girl’s room was a complete pigsty. Plates of old food EVERYWHERE. Dirty socks and underwear literally hanging on doorknobs and chairs. It even smelled like old garbage. But the worst part by far, was that in her bed (yes I still went for it, sue me) underneath her pillow I found a half-eaten bologna sandwich that was slightly wet and starting to grow mold. Took all of my strength not to puke. I left immediately and she called me an a**hole. 

~Jake

11. There Was Lube Everywhere

I was at a guy’s house for the first time (we’d been talking for a few weeks on Tinder) and it was going really well. We watched a movie and then moved to the bed for what was looking to be a great time. He pulled out the biggest bottle of lube I’d ever seen, used some, and then put it on his nightstand right next to the bed.

I don’t know exactly how, but I kicked the bottle and the lid wasn’t on properly. The whole bottle spilled all over his bedspread and rug. It was oil-based so it stained and ruined everything. I wanted to literally sink into the floor and disappear forever.

~Vicky K.

21. Sticky Fingers

Yahoo News NZ

For the period of around a month I was hooking up with this girl I met on campus, and things were going really great. Until I noticed that things in my room started to go missing pretty frequently. Sometimes food, sometimes loose change I’d throw on my nightstand, sometimes even books and cups. I didn’t want to believe that this girl was stealing from me, until one day, right before leaving, she accidentally let some metal forks and my frisbee fall out of her shirt on the way out. I told her to never come back, but I never saw the rest of my stuff again. I still wonder what else she got her hands on before I took notice.

~Daniel I.

13. Two For The Price of One

I brought a frat guy back to my dorm with me to spend the night. We did the deed quietly because my roommate was asleep, and then we both passed out. I woke up a few hours later to some noises in my room. I turn on my phone light and the guy is sleeping with my roommate. I kicked him out and didn’t speak to my roommate again. She didn’t know what the big deal was as “he was already here”.

~Felicia S.

14. Bloody Nose Job

I have really bad allergies in the winter, I get really dry. I was going down on a guy when all of a sudden I felt something really wet. I look down and there is blood everywhere. I start freaking out wondering if I bit him, he freaks out too but says he felt nothing. Turns out I had a major nosebleed but didn’t feel it until it was everywhere.

~Nicky 

15. Doing the Distracted Do

I was in bed with this girl doing doggy style and I couldn’t help noticing that she was kind of distracted. Like, she wasn’t fully engaged with what was happening. I kept asking if she wanted to keep going and she insisted that she did.

After about 5 minutes, I looked up at the pillow where her head was. She was literally texting another guy about a date they were planning on for the weekend. Am I really that terrible at it??

~John A.

16. Locked On The Roof

My building has a roof that’s not open to the public but you can get there if you climb through a window and walk across this ledge. But you have to prop open the window when you go because it locks behind you. Sometimes students would go up there to hookup since the dorms were small and most people shared them with at least one roommate. I brought a guy up there one night in December (very cold) and we only had our PJs on because we knew we’d be quick.

Somehow the book I used to prop open the window fell through it, and we were locked up there for an hour. Eventually, I had to call my RA and get her to come rescue us. It was so embarrassing as the entire floor witnessed our walk of shame rescue.

~Tessa

17. The Sleep Talker

The Sun

This girl I was talking to for a few weeks came over to spend the night for the first time. I was really excited, and we had such a good night…until we actually went to sleep. She didn’t just talk in her sleep…she screamed in her sleep. All of a sudden she started flailing her arms and kicking and screaming at someone named Steve. I don’t know who Steve was, but I’m glad I’m not him. 

~Bryant 

18. Twin Surprise

Pinterest

I was at a party and I was making out with this girl for a while. I left her to go to the bathroom and then went to find her again when I came out. I found her after a while, grabbed her waist and spun her around to continue the makeout session. As soon as I went in for the kiss, she slapped me in the face. Turns out I had found her identical twin.I apologized and it was kind of funny afterwards, but I was not expecting a cold slap.

~Kent A.

19. Caught In The Act

Polki

My school is located in a really remote area of Pennsylvania, so the school buildings hardly ever lock their doors. I shared my room with another girl, so bringing guys home was always tricky. Over the first year I was able to scope out a bunch of classrooms and lecture halls that were deserted at certain times during the day and always in the evenings. One afternoon I brought the guy I was seeing for a lunch-time quickie. We started fast and the clothes were off within a minute. Unfortunately, that’s when a professor walked in to set up for his next class which had apparently been moved to that hall. We were both naked and completely mortified. We grabbed our stuff and bolted before he had time to identify our faces. 

~Kayla

20. On The Run

TFM

At the beginning of each semester, the local police presence is heavy on campus to try and deter kids from drinking and partying for the rest of the year. It never actually works, but there are always a few arrests and parties that are shut down by the cops during the first month of school. I happened to be at one of the biggest frat parties for opening week and I was hooking up with a brother in his room upstairs in the house. We suddenly heard the music stop and the police start screaming at everyone to show their ID’s. We were both under 21, so we knew we had to bounce. We both gathered up some (not all) of our clothes and jumped out the window and ran until we knew we were safe. 

~Alisha

21. Doing the Dairy-Free Dirty

I’m lactose intolerant and I know that I have around 45 minutes after eating dairy until I need to get safely to the bathroom before all hell breaks loose. One night I was walking back from a party and had to grab a slice (I was only 5 minutes from my apartment, so I knew I would make it back in time). As I got to my door, my crush texted me that he is next door at a friend’s and that he wants to come over.

I still had a solid 30 minutes left until my stomach would admit defeat, so I decided to risk it. I must have miscalculated, because within 5 minutes of fooling around, I let out the biggest, wettest fart known to man. After a moment of mortifying, deafening silence, I ran to the bathroom. By the time I came out, he was gone. I never heard from him again.

~ Gianna, 19

22. Did Anyone Hear That?

It was winter break and I went home with my boyfriend at the time to stay with his family for the Christmas holidays. They didn’t have an extra guest room, so they allowed me to stay with him in his room, but not before giving us a “talking to” about keeping it PG. Obviously, we agreed out of respect but after a few nights of no-fun, we decided to give a try to being as quiet as possible.

We started a little hanky-panky, keeping super quiet, but I started hearing little noises, like mice or something. Then my boyfriend heard it to. We ignored the noise until we finished up, then we went to investigate. To our horror, my boyfriend’s little brother was hiding in the walk-in closet with his phone recording us. It turns out his parents asked him to sleep in there and keep an eye on us the whole time.

~Kinsey R.

She Was Super Convincing

I went out to the club one night, and I didn’t realize it was Gay Night (which is totally fine, I have fun at any kind of party). So I was dancing with my friends and I saw this absolutely stunning girl, literally, she was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She saw me staring and came up to me. We started dancing and making out, it was perfect. I left the club early and we went home together.

When we got home the clothes started to come off, but she stopped me at her pants. That’s when she wanted to make sure I knew that she was trans. I absolutely did NOT know, she was totally convincing as a woman. It was awkward, and I was kind, but I told her that I’m not down with that. She left immediately and I just sat there feeling 100% confused.

~J.

The Man From The Stone Age

I matched with this guy on Tinder and he seemed really smart, so I was excited to meet him. I’m in my last year of Graduate School finishing my PhD in Corporate Finance, and I was happy to meet someone from outside of my field, as I talk to finance people all day at school.

We met for coffee at this little cafe I like nearby, and the conversation was nice…until he asked me what I was learning. When I told him I was finishing my degree in finance, he immediately started getting “annoyed” with me. He asked me what did I think I would actually be able to do with that degree, as it’s a “man’s field.” And how would I ever have enough time for my husband and children? I promptly excused myself from the date to his utter disbelief. I’ll get my revenge when I’m an ultra-successful CEO of my own company.

~Karen G.

Allergic To Cats

I met this really sweet guy in one of my lectures, and I finally worked up the courage to ask him to come hang out one evenning after class. He was excited too, and he even planned to come over with wine and snacks. In my apartment I have two longhaired cats who are super adorable and friendly, but they leave their fur EVERYWHERE. Anyway, before he came over I told him about my cats, and he said he was excited to meet them.

We were having a great time and things were progressing fast, but after like 20 minutes I noticed him start to become restless and uncomfortable. He was getting red and itchy and breaking out in a rash on his face. Then he started breathing really shallow. I freaked out and he finally admitted that he was severly allergic to cats, but didn’t want to tell me because he liked me a lot. That date night ended up with a trip in an ambulance to the hospital to open his throat.

~Lacey G.

The First Time

I was sleeping with this girl and she got her period literally right in the middle of it. I’m not a baby, I know what it is, and I told her it was ok we will just clean it up. It turns out that she was a super late bloomer and it was her very first one. She did NOT know what to do and totally freaked out. I have 4 sisters, so I had to kind of teach her everything. I took her to the pharmacy and showed her what to get and even how to put it on. I felt really bad for her, but it was definitely one of the weirder things to happen to me on a hookup.

~Jeffrey L

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